No Place So Far
by Jessie88
Summary: He hadn't thought that it would be this hard to start over. He'd never been more wrong. Spoilers for Fragile Balance SJ
1. Default Chapter

He was crying. He didn't like to cry, hated it in fact. When Charlie had died, he hadn't been able to cry. When Carter flat lined because of Jolinar, only a lone tear had been allowed to escape. When his life was ripped away from him, and everything he knew changed, he hadn't even cried then.

But he was now.

Today was an annual rite. In years past he had always arranged it so that SG1 wouldn't have a mission on this particular date. They'd always gotten lucky, and never had a major crisis either. He supposed that maybe God was listening, and had decided that this day had seen enough horror, and in His compassion hadn't allowed more. He didn't really want to think about it too much, though. Cliche, though it was, he had long learned to never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Charlie would have been 18. A legal adult, a graduate of highschool. Jack wondered briefly what his sons plans would have been. He would have been able to vote in the election- not for Kinsey, of course, Jack thought with a wry smile. Every year, he reflected on the little boys short life. And every year, he didn't cry.

Except for this year.

His tradition included taking out pictures of his son. Caressing them gently, careful to not bend them, though frequent handling had made it look well-worn. Sara was often pictured as well. Beautiful Sara. He had gone to see her a few days before, unbeknownst to her. She was looking well, and happy. It appeared she had a new boyfriend, and Jack was glad.

The pictures that he would annually look at showed a happy family. One that was untarnished by the pain yet to come. With the eight-year-olds death, had come the death of his parents marriage, and the near-death of his father.

Jack had wanted to cry. Sara had wanted him to cry, to sit down and just cry with her, but he'd never been able to give that to her. He had closed himself up, grief and guilt intertwined.

And then Abydos. And another little boy. This time, he was successful. This time, he wasn't too late, like he'd been with Charlie. With Charlie, he had held his son, weeping over his bloodstained body, to shocked for tears to come with the loud, frame wracking cries. He'd been left there, alone, clutching his dead sons empty shell, unwilling to accept the truth. Sara had been comforted by her father. Jack had failed both of them. As a father, he'd allowed his son to die, and as a husband, he'd allowed his wife to grieve alone.

And he still hadn't cried. Until now.

There were no pictures spread out on the table, no home videos to watch. Officially, he'd never even had a son. But then, he knew just how blurred the lines could be between the truth, and the 'official' truth. He'd had a son. He'd had a wife. He'd found the love of his life in Sam Carter.

Unofficially.

Officially, he was sixteen years old; two years younger than his unofficially dead son. Officially, he was an orphan, with the Air Force as his guardian, should anything come up. But they knew as well as he that 'official' went only so deep, and they expected his well over sixteen mind to keep him out of trouble.

Unofficially, of course.

Officially, he never married a woman named Sara, never heard of the Stargate, never knew Daniel Jackson, or Teal'c, or...... Samantha Carter. No, he didn't know who these people were. Officially.

And what was worse, was that they didn't know him either.

And so he cried. There wasn't much more that he could do. His under twenty-one body kept him from being able to drink, a vice that had kept him sane in past years on this day. He could no longer drown his sorrows. He had friends, if you could call the delinquents that he hung around with 'friends', who thought it was great fun to sneak a bottle of beer from their parents fridge. They were excited by the cloak and dagger idea. For Jack, former black ops and special forces, it was hardly the stuff movies were made of. He had battled system lords, taken down numerous alien enemies, made countless alien friends, and was now relegated to the position of a highschool senior.

Life sucked.

He had been given no pictures of Charlie, and his pride had kept him from asking. Highschool, as he had predicted, was much easier the second time around. What with Carter's physics, and Danny's history, he was pretty set for the subjects he had hated originally. He had been an Air Force Academy graduate, and you didn't get into the Academy with poor grades. His excuse to his counterpart of not having embraced highschool the first time around was bull, and they both knew it, but he was a survivor, and this was what he had to do. If he was going to live as a young adult, he needed to acclimate himself to world of teenagers. But it wasn't all easy.

The guys thought it was funny, and the girls considered it disgusting, that he liked to check out the female teachers, many of which were too young for him, anyway. He normally wouldn't have made it to obvious, after all, years of working with Carter had taught him how to take a nice long look at someone without being caught, but his raging hormones refused to cooperate.

It didn't matter anyway, though. In his mind, he was in love with Samantha Carter, and what was coming back to bite him again and again, was that there were no longer regulations in the way. Nothing was in the way of having a relationship with her anymore except for, well, him. Whether it be the fact that the original was working with her still, or the fact that he himself looked only sixteen, he was his own competition.

But that wasn't even the reason that he was crying. For the past seven years, he'd been doing something important. It had kept him going, allowed him to come to peace with Charlies death. And now, his all vital mission in life was to survive Mr. Hodgkins advanced math class. Math, like most other subjects, had come easily to Jack. He wasn't a whiz-kid like Carter, but he could hold his own in the basic subjects. But Hodgekins... Jack shuddered. The man was brutal.

And that was what kept him going. School. Highschool, none the less. Hardly a reason to be 'okay' with his son being dead by his own gun.

Jack wept, hunched over himself, on the floor, clutching his stomach as if in severe pain. This must have been what it was like for Carter after Jolinar, he realized idly, gasping for breath amid his cries. Bombarded with all these memories of someone who you're not allowed to be. Except that he didn't know anyone named Carter, and he didn't know anything about alien parasites that took over your body. And he cried, if possible, even harder, his mind enjoying the torment it was putting him through. All he wanted was his life back, and all that life was willing to give him was the expectations that he forget who he used to be, and glibly accept his fate.

There was no Jack O'Neill juinor, and there was only room for one Jack O'Neill at the base, and, tag! he wasn't it. No matter that they were the same person. No matter that he couldn't shut off his feelings for Sam now anymore than he could through all the years he'd tried to. No matter that he longed to spar with Teal'c again, or have a chat with Daniel. Or beat the crap out of a snakehead.

No. Instead, he wasn't allowed to officially know who or what they were. Today was Charlies birthday, and they expected him to not grieve. They expected him to forget, and move on. Well, he couldn't do that! And he wouldn't do that.

He had seen the obituary in the paper; he knew that Janet Fraiser had died. He wanted to go to the memorial, pay his respects to a dear friend, but the notice said it was private, most likely meaning it was at the SGC. A facility that he wasn't supposed to know anything about.

He wanted to give Sam a comforting hug. He wanted to hold Cassie. He wanted to give Daniel the chance to get all of his emotions out. Jack wondered if anyone even knew to do that, after all, it was his unspoken place to go and comfort his friend. He had long learned that if not given a time and place to express himself, the young archaeologist would explode. But even before his thought was finished, Jack knew the answer. It would be Jack O'Neill who would comfort Daniel Jackson. It would be Jack O'Neill who would hold Cassandra as she lost another mother. And it would be Jack O'Neill who would get to comfort Sam, the love of both their lives. They had taken away his existance. He no longer existed as they did; how could he? He was over fifty, and looked just over fifteen. His name was Jack O'Neill, but any similarities they might have had stopped there. His reality had changed. He had stepped through a mirror, into the Twilight Zone, somewhere, where he no longer existed. And as for SG1, well, they hadn't lost his role in their lives, but he had surely lost them.

And he wasn't even allowed his memories. He didn't have any pictures of the blonde boy who was his son. No pictures of SG1. No ability to go through the gate and make sure they were safe. And just as he was unable to protect them, yet were they protected by himself!

Jack wrapped himself into the fetal position, confused by trying to figure everything out. He wasn't Jack O'Neill; he was Jack O'Nothing.

And they expected him to live like that.

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Kayla Morgan watched as the sullen teen took his seat. Jack O'Neill, an enigma if she'd ever seen one. He needed advanced classes for his advanced classes, yet he liked to play dumb. And as inappropriate as it was, she felt a pull toward him. She sensed a maturity coupled with an emptiness that she longed to learn more about. He was the class clown, and, though his classmates would have been shocked stiff to know it, he was the top academically; most likely to be valedictorian.

Mondays, like today, were usually the hardest day for her as a teacher, trying to get rowdy students back in line after a weekend. But, though they may have given her a hard time about returning to school, there was usually a freshness, and a relaxed spirit that she saw in them. Not so, however, in Jack O'Neill.

Kayla had been teaching for fifteen years, and had severely berated herself on the first day of school when she had first spoken to young O'Neill and felt a stirring that she hadn't felt since her husband had died five years earlier. Her cheeks burned in shame at the memory of her inappropriate, not to mention illegal, feelings that she had for the child, but as time went on, and he had slowly revealed more and more of his very adult persona, she had grown more and more attached.

Jack was early this Monday morning, and, taking the opportunity before more students started spilling in, she went over to talk to him.

"Jack?"

He looked up from the book he was reading, War and Peace. She nodded toward the thick book as she sat down in the seat across from him.

"Pretty heavy reading you've got there."

He shrugged. "I guess. I hadn't read it in a while..." He trailed off, and clamped his mouth shut, looking for all the world as if he had just revealed a state secret.

Miss Morgan was impressed. Even she hadn't been able to manage through all of Leo Tolstoys classic.

"Did you need something?"

He looked at her expectantly, curiosity written on his face as to why she had come over in the first place.

"Just," she searched for the right words. "I just wanted to make sure you were doing alright this morning. You haven't caused me any trouble yet this morning, so...."

She tried to mask her concerns in a joke, something she had noticed that he did as well.

"Hey, come on Miss Morgan, cut a guy some slack! I've only been here ten minutes. Now if it had been fifteen, then you'd have cause to worry." He light tone made fun of the matter, but Kayla could see something else in his face, well hidden. He had closed himself off completely to her, and she could tell that whatever was on his mind was not something that he was going to share.

"Okay, well, that's good then. Good morning." She stood up and walked back to her desk, pausing when she heard the intercom buzz.

"Miss Morgan to the Principals office. Miss Morgan to the Principals office."

She turned to look back to him.

"Duty calls," she said as she walked out of the door and into the hall.

Watching her leave, Jack sank down in his chair, breathing a sigh of relief. One good thing about being older than you looked was that he'd had years of practice in perfecting a poker face. Her concern was noted and appreciated, but hardly something he would accept. He would have had a heckuva time trying to explain to her what his mood was, and why he was in it. He wasn't sure that he himself understood it completely anyway. Grieving for a son he never had, and a love he'd never experienced.

He felt like a Goa'uld; like he was living in someone elses body. It wasn't his, yet he had full control. A wave of nausea flooded over him at the thought. To be anything at all like the parasites that he abhorred...... Not that he knew anything about snakeheads who ruled the galaxy, of course.

The first bell rang, and students slowly started spilling into the classroom. With a nod to some of the kids, Jack stored his book back into his backpack and pulled out his social studies book. It was going to be another long day.


	2. Of Memories and Ghosts

Jack stared in shock as his teacher reentered the classroom, a teenage girl trailing behind her. It couldn't be.

"Class," Kayla gently nudged the girl forward. "This is Cassandra Frasier," Jack noticed a slight wince as her last name was said. "She'll be joining our class this year."

The tall brunette glanced over the classroom, and directed Cassie where to sit.

"Jack? Would you be Cassandra's buddy for the day?"

He could only nod in shock, watching as his adopted daughter walked toward him to take the seat behind his. Cassie looked at him strangely, recognition sparking in her eyes.

"Everything okay?" He asked her, relying on his years of training to keep a straight face and not reveal that he knew anything about her.

"Yeah, you just," she gave him a long look before sitting down. "You remind me of someone I know. His names Jack, too."

He shrugged. "I have one of those faces. I'm every ones long lost brother."

As he knew it would, the comment drew a smile from her face. Though makeup- too much makeup, in his opinion- covered many signs of fatigue, Jack easily recognized the symptoms. She had lost another mother, and now he had the opportunity to comfort her. He just had to figure out a way to do it without letting her know he knew her.

The familiar buzz he always felt when faced with a situation like this stirred something in him that was long absent. He had a new mission; now all he needed was a cool code name.

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"So," Jack stood up and turned to talk to the girl behind him. "You're new here."

The look she shot him spoke volumes. "Yeah, I just moved."

Jack nodded knowingly. She had probably just moved in with Carter, who lived in a different school district than Janet had.

"Lived here long?" He gathered up his books and started stuffing them back into his pack.

"Yeah. I moved here from Toronto when I was about eight... What?" She laughed slightly at the mysterious expression on his face. "What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. I knew a girl from Toronto once. Maybe you knew her?"

Cassie never missed a beat. "I didn't get out much; I doubt it." Years of perfecting her cover story had taught her to lie with ease. At times, it was easy to forget that she wasn't from Toronto.

"Anyway, sorry. So you were saying?" He brought her back to his original question.

"Oh, yeah. Well, I've lived in Colorado Springs since I was eight, just in a different school district." She didn't expound, and he didn't pry. They both knew more than they were saying.

"What about you? Did you grow up here?"

Again with a mysterious smile. "You could say that." And in a way, it wasn't a lie. He had certainly been grown over Colorado.

They both looked up as the warning bell rang. "So," Jack looked pointedly at the paper in her hands. "What's next on your schedule?"

"Um," Cassie glanced over the paper. "Math, room 213."

"Ah, so you're a geek." She looked at him in shock and he shrugged. "You'd have to be a geek if you're in the advanced class. That's like what, calculus?"

Cassandra didn't know how to respond. Just stared at him doing a fair imitation of a fish. He had seemed like a pretty nice guy, and now was making fun of the fact that she was smart. Before she could formulate a response, he spoke.

"Come on, I'll walk you to your class." He smoothly changed the subject as she followed him down the hall, pointing out different rooms and people along the way.

"Well, this is it." He led her into the classroom, and watched with pride as she confidently took a seat. That was his Cassie, all right.

She looked up to where he was still standing in the doorway. "Don't you think you should get to your class?" She asked, somewhat coldly. She really hadn't appreciated the geek comment.

"Yeah." He walked in and took the seat next to her, hiding a grin at her reaction.

"Oh. Okay." So it wasn't an insult? Maybe it was like how Jack talked to Sam, freely teasing her about her geekiness. She offered him a smile. So, he was cute and smart. She definitely had a lot to tell her..... She had a lot to tell Sam when she got home that day.

She slumped slightly in her seat. Memories really sucked.

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Memories really sucked. Was it his fault that something from his unofficial past had come back to be a permanent reminder of his previous life? He kept looking at Cassie and seeing the little girl that she had been; a girl that he considered to be like a daughter. He could picture her lying in the infirmary revealing his not-so-dumb secrets. He never had gotten her back for that, he thought, with a smile. He couldn't just start over with her now, as if he had never heard of her before. Maybe this was sort of like how she felt, though; never being able to tell anyone about her true home, her real family, the battle for the galaxy. And Teal'c, too, after all, he had left behind everything that he knew to fight with the Tau'ri, and he was transplanted into a strange new world. Not that Jack had left behind his former life for any big cause.

Mr. Hodgekins walked into the room. At forty-five, the only word to describe him was average. Average height, average weight, average looks; the only above-average quality about him was his brain, and so when a punk teenager came into his class, tall, good-looking, and a math whiz to boot, it made him angry. Certainly not jealous, or bitter, but determined to put the boy in his place. Zach Hodgekins had worked hard for his grades. He'd slaved over papers, survived the hell known as high school, and wasn't about to be shown up by a teenager.

And Jack knew it. While in class, he watched his back, at least, whenever the teacher was behind him. Hodgekins wanted to make his life miserable, and had a bark that would make most drill sergeants envious. But it had been a long time since Jack had been a lowly cadet standing under the glare of a D.S. He was used to people cowering in his presence, not the other way around.

He pulled out his book and notebook paper and started doing the calculations that his teacher put on the board. They were surprisingly easy, which, he supposed, was good, considering he was over fifty. He closed his eyes for a moment, berating himself. He wasn't fifty; he was sixteen. He was sixteen. He was sixteen.

And Thor wore pretty pink dresses.


	3. Of True Love and Crushes

"You should have seen him, Sam. He's really cute."

Sam grinned as Cassandra related the days events. She was currently on the subject of a new boy she'd met, Jack, and how much she liked him.

"He's in my advanced math class."

"Was he nice?"

"Yeah. Way nicer than Dominic ever was."

Ah, hell hath no fury as a woman scorned, Sam thought, amused. No way she would share those thoughts with her teen charge, though. Since the girls falling-out with her first love, she'd been wary of relationships, so there must have been something pretty special about this new kid.

"Maybe I could meet him sometime."

"I was thinking of inviting him over for dinner, or something."

"We could do that." Sam desperately wanted to make life normal again for Cassie. She knew what it was like to lose a mother at such a young age, and was doing her best to be there for her.

"Today's Monday. How about if you wait until the end of the week, and if you still like this guy, then invite him for dinner on Saturday. Does that work?"

"That's great! You're the best, Sam. Thanks." The honesty in the girls eyes spoke to more than just the surface gratitude. For everything that the older woman had done to try and take care of her. Cassie wandered to her room and started on her homework, but couldn't get her mind to concentrate on the equations.

It was her senior year, and her mom wouldn't be there. She was going to have to somehow make it through alone. She had Sam, of course, and she was thankful for that, but it wasn't the same as having the petite doctor around whom she had called 'mom' for the past eight years of her life.

Cassie had a hard time remembering what her birth mother was like. She had vague memories of lullabies, and watching her mother sew, but that was about it. Time and daydreams had changed the memory, to the point that she was no longer sure what was memories, and what was make-believe. But no matter who her birth mother might have been, Janet Fraiser was her mom.

Tears clouded her eyes, as she tried half-heartedly to wipe them away. Moving her paper away from her, lest her tears fall on it, she laid her head on her desk and cried. Sam was great, always had been, but she was more of an Aunt, or a sister.

She was an orphan again.

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The week had moved quickly, Jack skillfully avoiding situations that would reveal his true persona to Cassandra, and Cassie to caught up in her own problems to notice. What hadn't escaped her attention, however, was how Hodgekins seemed bound and determined to get her new friend. He was so nitpicky over papers, once marking Jack down for writing too lightly, resulting in him unable to discern between a '4' and a '9'. Jack's crack about needing new glasses hadn't helped, and he'd been marked down further for his attitude.

By Thursday, the teacher had realized that Cassandra was quickly becoming friends with his least favorite student, and decided that she was also an enemy, a fact that had incensed Jack.

Which was why Cassie was hanging around after school on Friday, waiting for Jack to finish the detention that he had gotten as punishment for defending her when Hodgekins had transferred his vendetta to her.

With a gleam in his eye, matched only by Nirrti, Zach Hodgekins had gleefully sentenced Jack to a month of after school detention. Cassie has explained the situation to Sam, and she, agreeing, albeit hesitantly, to not do anything about it yet, had given the okay for Cassie to stay late.

"Cassie!" Jack surprise at seeing her was evident in his voice. "You stayed?"

"It's the least I can do." She told him, as he walked toward her, out of the now empty building.

Jack shrugged. "I was gonna get it soon anyway, it's not your fault."

She awarded him with a smile, the same one that had always made his heart melt, and harkened back to when she was a little girl, shyly putting her small hand in Carters larger one.

"Besides, I had a question for you."

He raised his eyebrows and cocked his head questioningly.

"Would you like to have dinner with me tonight? My aunts ordering out, and I thought you might want to join us."

The mysterious smile that she had often seen on his face when she referred to Sam or her past reappeared.

"I'd love to, Cass, but I can't tonight. Maybe another night, huh?"

She hid her disappointment well. "Sure, that'd be great."

They stood there awkwardly for a moment, until Jack abruptly spoke up.

"Well, I better go. Do you need a ride?"

"No," she shook her head. "Sam's coming to pick me up. She should be here any minute. Maybe you can meet her?"

The smile gone, a slightly panicked look took over on his face.

"Uh, I'd love to, but I can't now. Maybe another time. Bye"

And with that he was gone, walking past her briskly toward his car. As he sank in the seat, he could see in the rear view mirror Carters car pull up. His chest constricted as he saw Cassie get in the car and lean over to give the older woman a hug. Sam. His Sam; he was so close to her right now.

So close and yet so far. Never had he hated a cliché so much, as he did right at that moment. He shouldn't have become friends with Cass. It was stupid, and if he kept putting off doing anything with her, she'd be hurt. But if he did something, then he'd invariably see Sam, and that just wasn't an option for him. He wanted to try and move on, though, arguably, it was difficult when Cassie inadvertently kept him updated on the lives of his former friends. She often spoke of her uncles, and her aunt Sam, and he always swelled with pride every time she spoke highly of her 'uncle' Jack.

He had often wished that he could keep a closer eye on her; he'd just never pictured these circumstances.

And now she wanted to have him over for dinner, and meet her aunt, who, unbeknownst to her, he already knew well. The teenager gave a sigh and started up the cars engine, looking behind him before pulling out.

It was to be another lonely evening.


	4. Of Longings and Plans

"So, is Jack going to be able to come to dinner?"

Cassie's face fell, slightly. "No. He said maybe another time."

Sam nodded. "When do I get to meet this mystery man of yours?"

Cassandra's face burned. "He's not my man. Yet"

Sam smirked as she heard Cassie mutter under her breath.

"As to when you meet him, I don't know. You just missed him, actually. He had just gotten in his truck when you pulled in."

"Detention go okay?" Sam asked, an edge to her voice.

"I guess. He didn't say much about it. You promised not to do anything about it, remember?"

"Yes, I remember. I don't understand why, though. This teacher shouldn't be allowed to get away with it."

"Jack reminds me a lot of, well, Jack. I think that he'd rather handle it on his own."

"And he can do that, but I want to make sure that you are taken care of."

"Jack's protecting me." Cassie told her, a slightly dreamy look coming over her face.

A raised eyebrow her only response, Sam continued down the street toward her house.

"Was there any trouble in class today?"

"Not really. I think that Hodgekins is satisfied at the moment with having Jack in detention. I think that he feels threatened by him."

"By Jack? Why?"

"Because he's everything that Hodge' is and more. He has the same brain, but very different looks and personality. He's great!"

"Well, give Jack a little more warning next time, and then we'll have him over. He probably just already had plans for tonight."

"Yeah," the teenager muttered darkly, thoughts of cheerleaders dancing in her head.

"He's trying out for the hockey team. It's kind of creepy how much he's like Jack. Your Jack."

"He's not 'my' Jack." Sam said automatically.

"I just mean, Jack O'Neill, as opposed to," she paused. "Ya know, I don't even know Jack's last name. huh. Anyway, he's a lot like Jack, except in a really hot sort of way."

Sam hid a grin at the girls comment. It could be argued that the General was 'really hot'. But not by her, certainly not. Generals were supposed to be stern, old, and most certainly not to be thought of in the same sentence as the word 'hot', unless referring to the weather. Of course, it didn't help that this particular General had chocolate brown eyes that, when in their twinkling mode, could make you forget he was a day over ten. Endearing, which was another word that shouldn't be associated with a Brigadier General.

"Earth to Sam."

"Huh?" Carter shook herself out of her thoughts to find the teenager beside her looking at her, amused.

"You were a million miles away. I letting you know that I have plans to head over to big Jack's house tomorrow. He's going to show me the cheat codes to Half-Life. He said that you can come if you want."

"Uh, that's okay. I have some stuff that I need to get done, but you have fun."

Cassie just nodded, her mind already jumping to the next subject.

"Oh! Did I tell you that Stasha has a new boyfriend?"

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As he poured it, Jack glared at the coffee. There was no reason that he shouldn't be allowed to have beer, no reason at all. Besides that it would set a bad example for his 'peers' should he be caught, but at the moment, he really didn't care.

He walked over to his couch, and sank down, pointing the remote at the tv. One good thing about detention, was that he had time to do his homework before getting home and could have the evening with nothing to do. The bad part was that he had time to do his homework, and had nothing to do that evening except think. Which, given his circumstances, was not something that he enjoyed doing.

Sure, he could have had dinner with Sam and Cassie, whose company, admittedly, was much better than his own, but Sam would recognize him, and he wasn't ready for that yet. He just hoped that Cassie wouldn't feel like he was blowing her off.

But he had seen Sam. It had been months since he'd laid eyes on her, and she hadn't changed a bit. The hair looked a little different, but she changed it so often it was hard to tell.

Jack let out a sharp breath. To tell, or not to tell, that was the question. As it was, he was trying to acclimate to the world of teenagers. That could be made harder if Cassie knew who he really was, not to mention losing the added benefit of being able to keep an eye on her.

On the other hand, he'd have a link to his other life, be kept abreast of what was going on, and have Cassie as a teacher in how to behave like a regular teen.

Assuming, of course, that she was completely freaked out by these turn of events. What if she decided that it was just too strange to 'hang out' with him, or have him around her twenty-four/seven? What if he lost her too?

He took another swig of his coffee, and, deciding that it was just not the same as the mind-numbing affect as beer, set the mug down on the floor.

For now, he'd hide who he really was from Cassandra; it was the only way that he could be assured of having any kind of place in her life.


	5. Of Fears and Mistakes

"How interesting," she told him, gritting her teeth. He was a stuck-up buffoon.

"And that's why I decided to get involved in business," He finished.

That and your love of money, Kayla thought. Speaking, all she said was, "Well, that's just.... Fascinating."

He looked pleased with himself, and she noted with distaste the smirk on his face as he, for the umpteenth time that evening, raked his eyes over her body.

"Of course, there are definite perks to being in business such as mine," he said, starting what she was sure would be yet another long lecture. Between his arrogant speech, and his leech-like friends, the dinner party she was at was starting to suffocate her. The women all glared at her, as they sized up her slender form, and noted their husbands doing the same. The way their eyes lit up as they gazed at how the silver dress she had chosen for the night flowed gently over her body, made her distinctly uncomfortable, as though she was wearing nothing but a thin layer of plastic.

"Brad," Kayla interrupted him. "I have an early day tomorrow, I think I should get going."

"The evening hasn't even begun yet, Kay," he said, forming a pout that she found to be insufferable.

"Perhaps not for you, but for me, I really do need to go."

He bowed his head slightly.

"Of course. I'll have the valet bring the car around."

He motioned to a passing waiter, and spoke with him while Kayla looked around at her surroundings. The lavish home was certainly a change from her usual atmosphere. Stealing a look at her date for the evening, she sighed. This was the last time that she would ever go on a blind date. Brad Rushings loved to talk about his business, his money, and what he did with his money. The home they were in wasn't his, but he was clearly comfortable amidst such splendor. She herself was a simple woman who loved a homey feel, something that was conspicuously missing from her current hosts ideal.

He held out his arm for her to take. "Ready to go?"

Hoping she didn't appear to eager, she smiled and took the offered arm. "Yes, I am."

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She slammed her purse down on the bed, angrily, nearly breaking the zipper on her dress as she ripped it down. He had kissed her. Hadn't asked permission, hadn't given her any indication as to his intentions, just kissed her. Then had the gall to ask if he could come in, the look in his eyes clearly stating that he had no platonic activities in mind. Needless to say, she had all but slammed the door in his face, wiping at her mouth in disgust. Jack O'Neill would have never been so forward.

Kayla paused in shock, stopping her struggle out of her dress. She had just thought of a student in the context of a date. She collapsed onto the bed, legs weak. She had just broken the sacred trust between a student and a teacher. He was supposed to be able to trust her, and she had just thought of him as a... She hurried to the bathroom, as the little food she had eaten rebelled in her stomach. She'd never be able to look him in the eye again. She had, however mentally, severely crossed the line. As the dry heaves subsided, she leaned her head against the wall, trying desperately to keep from vomiting further.

What had she done?

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Jack walked into school on Monday morning, a lonely weekend past him. He passed Kaylas desk, tossing her a grin as a greeting, blissfully unaware of her inner turmoil and mortification at the reminder of her thoughts. Her weekend had been filled with debates as to whether or not to resign, or request a transfer, or move to Hawaii and change her name. She had struggled with fears, trying to come to grips with the fact that each time she thought of Jack O'Neill, which was often, she felt her heart flip in a way that it hadn't done since her husband had died. She couldn't even fathom what the ramifications of that were; didn't want to.

She had looked up all the stories she could find on Mary Kay Letournou, remembering the revulsion she had felt when she'd initially heard of the case. And now, she, Kayla Morgan, was behaving in exactly the same manner. Perhaps she was not pregnant with her students' child, but her inappropriate feelings, and thoughts, not to mention the dreams she'd been having, were enough for her to be disgusted with herself.

She was thirty-six; she wasn't supposed to, nor was it in any way ethical, to fall in love with a sixteen year old student. And she had come to terms with the fact that, for all practical purposes, she had fallen in love with him. She'd been happily married, before her husband, Jeff, had died in a car accident; she knew what love was. Everything that she knew about Jack O'Neill fascinated her, and drew her to him, and everything that she didn't know was something that she wanted to find out. He had such dignity in the way that he carried himself, a maturity far beyond his years. He dealt with the other students with kindness, if a parentel type manner. He got on better with the teachers than with his peers, and generally avoided the typical teen attitude that ruled the halls of the school. It was more like he was an adult than a student, despite his outer appearance, and everything that she learned about him made her more and more attracted.

As more students walked into the classroom, she tried to pull herself together, mentally preparing herself for the day. All she had to do was to avoid O'Neill, and calling him O'Neill was a good start. The farther away she could get from any kind of closeness to him, the better.

And as soon as she got home, she'd start looking for activities to participate in. Maybe all she needed was to get out more; broaden her horizons so that she wasn't so attracted to the first student who showed a little bit of maturity. And maybe a cold shower would fix all her problems.

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Cassandra sauntered, or did her best to, into her classroom, catching Jacks eye. She slipped into her seat next to him and smiled.

"Hi."

"Hi." He grinned at her. "How was your weekend?"

"Good. Yours?"

"Good."

Cassie took a breath, and plunged in. "So, you hear about the dance on Friday?"

Smooth, Cassie, she berated herself. The posters were only plastered over every hallway in the school. The fact that she was new and had only just learned about it didn't mean that he hadn't already heard about, and gotten a date for, the dance. Of course, she'd now known him for a whole week, and hadn't seen hide nor hair of a girlfriend, which, considering how cute he was, was very surprising. She'd seen several girls practically drooling as he walked by, but no mention of a girlfriend.

"Yeah, I heard about it. You planning on going?" Jack was curious. He hadn't heard anything about a boyfriend since her nasty breakup with Dominic-the-boy-who-was-not-to-be-named, but it had been almost a year since he'd been an active part in her life, and he was definitely out of the loop.

Besides, since returning to teen-dom, he'd quickly realized that highschool dances were not something that he wanted his Cassie to be attending. The kids gyrated like they were pole-dancing, and he wasn't about to allow her to be in that type of atmosphere.

"Actually," he paused, wanting to word it just right. "I think that dances are degrading. Now waltzing, waltzing is good. Dances today are trash, and I generally get as far away from them as possible." Unless he was with Sam. With Sam, married, maybe a couple kids at the babysitters, he could see dancing like that with her. His Cassie, on the other way, no way. She was like his own daughter, and she had another thing coming if she thought he'd let her go. "You should too," he added emphatically.

Cassie was taken aback. There went her plans for a romantic evening.

Still, it wasn't as though it was her personally, it was dances that he didn't like.

"Oh," she tried to hide her disappointment. Well, she'd just have to try another tactic.

"Well, maybe instead of the dance, you could come over to my place for dinner. We can hang out, or something. My aunt will be gone." She raised her eyebrows invitingly.

"Your aunt will be gone? Are you sure?" If Sam wasn't there, that'd be the perfect opportunity to hang out with Cassie. He wasn't exactly sure how or when he wanted to see Carter again, but if she was going to be gone....

"I'm sure." Inwardly, Cassie was jumping up and down. He sounded very interested in making sure that they were alone; that could only mean that he liked her! Now all she had to do was wait until Friday. And pick out a killer outfit.


	6. Of Hockey and Phone Calls

The day passed pretty quickly for Jack, hurrying from one class to the next. The hockey tryouts were going to be after school, and he was finally looking forward to an aspect of highschool life. Which was why, at 3:45 on Monday afternoon, he found himself at the ice rink that was under the basket ball court in the gym. It was a pretty cool set-up, no pun intended, he thought, as he laced up his skates. The rink was bigger than the court needed to be, but for the ball games, much of the court was taped off, and the guards protecting the bleacher area during hockey were simply taken out. Complicated, but ultimately saving alot of money.

Heading out to the ice rink, Jack started warming up, leisurely batting a puck around. Glancing up in the stands, he was surprised to see Cassie there, sitting alone in the abandoned stadium. She was watching him intently, and a glance at her clothes revealed more than he liked. He skated over to her, executing a perfect t-stop before stepping off the rink.

"Hey,"

"Hey yourself," She smiled at him as he walked closer to her. She sucked in a breath as he sat down next her, and leaned his arm across her body.

Picking up the jacket on the other side of the girl, Jack handed it to her.

"It's pretty cold out here, you should put this on."

The jacket was a bulky one, and hardly went with the outfit she'd spent two hours picking out. But as Jack held the jacket out to her expectantly, she had little choice but to pull it on. It was one that Sam had insisted on her taking to school on the chilly day.

"Thanks," she smiled weakly. "How's practice going?"

"Oh," Jack motioned out to the rink. "I just started."

At the sound of the heavy gym doors opening, Jack stood up.

"There's the coach, I should probably get out there."

"Yeah. Good luck."

"Thanks."

Walking awkwardly in his skates back toward the rink, Jack slid out onto the ice. Sizing up the other kids as they walked through the door, Jack smiled. Let the games begin.

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The team results were posted on Wednesday and hockey practice begain immediately the next day. Unsurprisingly, Jack made the team. Upon seeing the results, Cassie smiled and hugged him tight congratulating him.

"We'll have a celebratory dinner Friday night," she told him, her arms still around him.

"Sounds good. You're a good cook." Cassandra had made many a cookie for the SG1 team, and had inherited her mothers mouth-watering cooking skills.

Cassie pulled back from the embrace, a curious look on her face.

"How'd you know I can cook?"

The second the words had left his mouth, Jack regretted them. Thinking quickly, he covered up his stumble. "I can just tell. You have that spark about you. It says, 'I have a spatula and I'm not afraid to use it!'."

She smiled, and wrapped her arms around him again, squeezing briefly, then releasing.

"I have to get to class, but I'm so excited for you! I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay."

He watched her walk away, shaking his head with pride. She was growing up to be such a confident young lady.

Cassie held her head up as she walked down the hall.

"You're Cassandra, right?" Cassie turned her head and saw Audra Burke coming up to match her pace and walk next to her.

"Uh, yeah, yeah, that's me."

"I'm Au"

"Audra Burke, yes I know." Everyone knew. She was cheer-leading captain and arguably the prettiest most popular girl in the school. Cassie was shocked stiff that the girl even knew who she was.

"We have lunch at the same period. There's a place for you at my table." Cassandra stilled, staring in shock as Audra continued walking down the hall.

"See you at lunch!" The other girl threw over her shoulder. Slowly starting to walk again towards her class, Cassie's face lit up in a smile. Not only did she have a cute new boyfriend, but Audra Burke had just extended a lunch invitation to her! Certainly, Jack wasn't officially her new boyfriend, but after what she had planned for Friday night he would be.

She walked in and sat down in her Biology class, a large smile gracing her pretty face.

Cassandra Fraiser had arrived.

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The call had come right before the class had ended, and as Cassie walked the stretch to the principals office, she heard the lunch bell ring. The last time she'd been called out of class the call had come about her mothers death. As she opened the door to the office, she prayed that this wouldn't be a repeat.

"Hey Punkin," came Jack's voice over the line after she came on the line. Cassie rolled her eyes. No matter how old she got, Jack always called her 'punkin', or some other kiddy nickname. Coming from him, though, it didn't seem to matter. He never made her feel like he looked down on her, instead, it made her feel special that he showed such a tender side of himself to her.

"Hey Jack. Is everything okay?" As happy as she was to hear his voice, she couldn't help the trepidation she felt at the thought of why he was calling.

"I just wanted to let you know that Sam's okay, she just won't be home for a few days."

"What happened?"

Cassandra's panic-filled voice made Jack wince as he tried to formulate a response. Unfortunately, she knew him too well, and knew that if he had to call personally, things weren't as fine as he would make them out to be. Aware of the unsecured line, he worded his next sentence carefully.

"There was an unexpected development on during their latest survey that requires more attention than originally hoped."

Cassie took a deep breath. A surprise attack on SG1's last mission that would keep Sam in the infirmary for an extended stay; she'd been around long enough to know how to read between the lines.

"I want to come down."

"Cassie,"

"Please, Jack. I need to be there."

Jack was as adept as hearing hidden messages as she was, and could sense her fear of losing Sam, too. He was afraid, though, that the sight of Sam hooked up to numerous tubes and monitors wouldn't ease her fear anymore than it had his own.

"Okay."

"Thank you! I'll be right down." In a rush, she hung up the phone, and breezed out of the office, ignoring the confused look on the secretary's face.

She raced to the cafeteria and walked over to Audra's table.

"Hi Audra."

"Fraiser. Thought you weren't gonna show."

"I'm sorry, I have to leave early. I just wanted to let you know. I really have to get going. Bye!"

And without another word, the alien girl hurried out of the cafeteria, the school, and out to the parking lot. On days when she could, Sam liked to drive Cassie to school, but Cassie had driven herself on this particular day, due to Sam's mission that'd been scheduled for early in the morning.

So, throwing her backpack into the back, Cassie piled into her compact car and, going as fast as the law would allow, drove the ten miles to the SGC complex.

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**I'd like to thank everyone for the kind reviews. This is a story that constantly surprises me with the twists that it insists on taking, and I hope that you enjoy the ride. Originally, the first chapter was going to be a stand-alone angsty story, but I realized after finishing it, that it needed something more. The something more, turned into something more, and so on. Even I don't know where it will end up yet, but I hope that you have as much fun finding out as I will. **

**_Malaskor: _Thank you! I was going to leave it heavy, but it refused to cooperate. ï **

**S_ci-Fan Gillian: _Thank you!**

**_Zoser: _Thanks! I hope it stays interesting. ï **

**_Airam4u:_ Wow! Thank you so much! I agree; the first section shows a Jack that seems out of character, and I debated about how to write that. However, it's hard to imagine Jack being on the brink of suicide, yet that's where he was when we first met him. I hope that a continuing portrayal (especially in how he interacts with others) will prove to be in character. Keep me on my toes with that! ï**

**Yes, Jack is sixteen, however, it's not so farfetched that he would be a senior this year. Going on the timeline, it's been about a year, so I'm saying that when he was first cloned, he started as a junior, and now he's in his senior year. He's certainly not your average student! It also depends on when your birthday is. I'm starting my senior year being sixteen, so I figured that if I could do it, Jack could! g **

**And yes, it is awkward. I've had a very difficult time with figuring out Mini-Jacks character. Jack is a survivor, so he'll do what he has to do, but I don't see him enjoying behaving like or hanging out with teenagers. It puts him in a very awkward situation. And don't worry, I won't break Cassies heart. I like her too much. ï **


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